#  Limerick 

 

Limerick is not esoteric  
It's enjoyed by pauper and cleric  
With wit and with whim  
Although maybe it's grim  
Transforms you to a hysteric

 

##  [ September 15, 2016 (2) ](/poetry/limerick/september-15-2016-2) 

 

She spends her nights heavy drinkin'  
Pickled brains prevent too much thinkin'  
With a child that's a runt,  
can't speak he just grunts  
Her Facebook friends list is shrinkin'

If you know her, you'll understand

 

 

##  [ September 21, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/september-21-2016) 

 

Another childish tantrum from Andy  
maybe his problem is a vagina that's sandy  
he aches for a fight  
because he's always right  
narcissistic, he's just a big dandy

 

 

##  [ September 22, 2016 (2) ](/poetry/limerick/september-22-2016-2) 

 

(for Krispin McCarthy)

I stayed up late to write you a poem  
It's your birthday I hope you're not lonesome  
I hope you're equipped  
with a really good gift  
If not, make a heck of a commotion!

 

 

##  [ April 8, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/april-8-2016) 

 

I start with the B lines  
rhyming just the two times  
then a joke and two rhyming confessions

This is just one of my methods  
but it works and that is the message  
if something else works for you  
just stick with your groove  
this is an art, there are always exceptions

Ooh I just thought of another  
It's good, but a little bit tougher  
you first start with the joke  
then work backwards bespoke  
these limericks are usually vulgar

 

 

##  [ September 17, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/september-17-2016) 

 

(Making fun of someone irresponsible)

Celebrating her happiest day  
on a four-wheeler planned getaway  
some guy she just met  
is gettin' it wet  
I bet she ditches her kids straightaway

 

 

##  [ September 16, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/september-16-2016) 

 

Before we reach total collapse  
It would be nice to teach democrats  
their minds are diluted  
to the point that they're stupid  
I'd have more luck wrangling cats

 

 

##  [ October 10, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/october-10-2016) 

 

The story of a family named Clinton  
somehow they stay out of prison  
from indictments escape  
and that includes rape  
one day it will end in conviction

 

 

##  [ September 30, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/september-30-2016) 

 

Around the sun on this world carousel  
every year one event to foretell  
punctuality deflated  
sincere wishes belated  
Happy birthday, my dear uncle mel

 

 

##  [ September 22, 2016 ](/poetry/limerick/september-22-2016) 

 

Comments on this post are limericks for a chicken group I'm in. Don't add a limerick comment to this post unless you're willing to give up copyrights to the chicken group for use on promotional items.

Some choose to treat illness holistic  
We hear know-it-alls complain egotistic  
it works for us, take a look  
we're not buying your book  
We don't like people who are so egotistic

My chickens live life quite contented  
With good shelter and feed that's augmented  
Their coop is unique  
with few things left to tweak  
Next I think I'll give feed that's fermented

My hens used to be excellent layers  
the most reliable and hardy egg purveyors  
As the leaseholder  
I can't stand a freeloader  
no egg today - I become undertaker

My chickens form a noisy young troop  
In the mornings they pour from the coop  
it's eggs they exchange  
for the time they free-range  
and the garden benefits from their poop

When it comes time to reinstate barter  
I chose chickens over something much harder  
I will trade meat and eggs  
instead of fermenting kegs  
I think my choice was very much smarter

There's a syndrome I think I am catching  
counting eggs and eventually hatching  
I'm a prognosticator  
with a filled incubator  
because biddies are cute when they're scratching

All my hens greet the day with a cackle  
While the roosters raise up their hackles  
to the boxes they leg  
and they lay me an egg  
Then they sing like their own tabernacle

My coop leans hard toward disorder  
many chickens might mean I'm a hoarder  
I make a quick stop  
and for chickens I swap  
then it's days for the new pecking order

To my family our eggs are like manna  
one blue egg really made the diorama  
every day I would scoop  
but that hen flew the coop  
now I'm shopping for a new Americauna

Yes I know it defies explanation  
but chickens are a source of elation  
daily chores are a must  
and there's no one I trust  
so that's why I don't leave on vacation

I must confront longstanding allegation  
I admit it with much reservation  
even though it's a birdie  
it makes me feel dirty  
but I still watch flock fertilization

At last head count I broke fourty-four  
and I still want just a few more  
I'm a slave to the yolk  
but I spent myself broke  
I guess I can live with two-score

I once had a plague of grasshoppers  
pesticides I believe are improper  
the bugs they got zapped  
and the chickens got fat  
they're one heck of a grasshopper stopper

It's tough to be a chicken rancher  
with a rooster who hits and then scampers  
he was a hotshot  
then he hit the crockpot  
sometimes an axe is the answer

I believe I've discovered the answer  
one decision a great life enhancer  
fresh eggs are a treat  
and the best is the meat  
raising chickens, does not cause cancer

(Originally it was "and you can't beat their meat"....I had to laugh, then I changed it)

The problem, we believe, is systemic  
health, a poor-food derived epidemic  
the un-natural eschewed  
just stop eating junk food  
it's a theory, in part academic

Although the birds sometimes cause strife  
I see joy in the eyes of my wife  
I hear roosters that bellow  
All my yolks are dark yellow  
Owning chickens has bettered my life

With natural quality one can attest  
Storebought eggs seem now hard to digest  
I can't eat eggs upside-sunny  
with their yolks white and runny  
backyard chicken made eggs are the best

New chicken owners fast are obsessed  
late night reading keeps one abreast  
visit Scotts Backyard Chickens  
with user driven submissions  
a genesis of knowledge manifest

 

 

 

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