Limerick

She spends her nights heavy drinkin'
Pickled brains prevent too much thinkin'
With a child that's a runt,
can't speak he just grunts
Her Facebook friends list is shrinkin'

If you know her, you'll understand

Another childish tantrum from Andy
maybe his problem is a vagina that's sandy
he aches for a fight
because he's always right
narcissistic, he's just a big dandy

(for Krispin McCarthy)

I stayed up late to write you a poem
It's your birthday I hope you're not lonesome
I hope you're equipped
with a really good gift
If not, make a heck of a commotion!

I start with the B lines
rhyming just the two times
then a joke and two rhyming confessions

This is just one of my methods
but it works and that is the message
if something else works for you
just stick with your groove
this is an art, there are always exceptions

Ooh I just thought of another
It's good, but a little bit tougher
you first start with the joke
then work backwards bespoke
these limericks are usually vulgar

(Making fun of someone irresponsible)

Celebrating her happiest day
on a four-wheeler planned getaway
some guy she just met
is gettin' it wet
I bet she ditches her kids straightaway

Before we reach total collapse
It would be nice to teach democrats
their minds are diluted
to the point that they're stupid
I'd have more luck wrangling cats

The story of a family named Clinton
somehow they stay out of prison
from indictments escape
and that includes rape
one day it will end in conviction

Around the sun on this world carousel
every year one event to foretell
punctuality deflated
sincere wishes belated
Happy birthday, my dear uncle mel

Comments on this post are limericks for a chicken group I'm in. Don't add a limerick comment to this post unless you're willing to give up copyrights to the chicken group for use on promotional items.

Some choose to treat illness holistic
We hear know-it-alls complain egotistic
it works for us, take a look
we're not buying your book
We don't like people who are so egotistic

My chickens live life quite contented
With good shelter and feed that's augmented
Their coop is unique
with few things left to tweak
Next I think I'll give feed that's fermented

My hens used to be excellent layers
the most reliable and hardy egg purveyors
As the leaseholder
I can't stand a freeloader
no egg today - I become undertaker

My chickens form a noisy young troop
In the mornings they pour from the coop
it's eggs they exchange
for the time they free-range
and the garden benefits from their poop

When it comes time to reinstate barter
I chose chickens over something much harder
I will trade meat and eggs
instead of fermenting kegs
I think my choice was very much smarter

There's a syndrome I think I am catching
counting eggs and eventually hatching
I'm a prognosticator
with a filled incubator
because biddies are cute when they're scratching

All my hens greet the day with a cackle
While the roosters raise up their hackles
to the boxes they leg
and they lay me an egg
Then they sing like their own tabernacle

My coop leans hard toward disorder
many chickens might mean I'm a hoarder
I make a quick stop
and for chickens I swap
then it's days for the new pecking order

To my family our eggs are like manna
one blue egg really made the diorama
every day I would scoop
but that hen flew the coop
now I'm shopping for a new Americauna

Yes I know it defies explanation
but chickens are a source of elation
daily chores are a must
and there's no one I trust
so that's why I don't leave on vacation

I must confront longstanding allegation
I admit it with much reservation
even though it's a birdie
it makes me feel dirty
but I still watch flock fertilization

At last head count I broke fourty-four
and I still want just a few more
I'm a slave to the yolk
but I spent myself broke
I guess I can live with two-score

I once had a plague of grasshoppers
pesticides I believe are improper
the bugs they got zapped
and the chickens got fat
they're one heck of a grasshopper stopper

It's tough to be a chicken rancher
with a rooster who hits and then scampers
he was a hotshot
then he hit the crockpot
sometimes an axe is the answer

I believe I've discovered the answer
one decision a great life enhancer
fresh eggs are a treat
and the best is the meat
raising chickens, does not cause cancer

(Originally it was "and you can't beat their meat"....I had to laugh, then I changed it)

The problem, we believe, is systemic
health, a poor-food derived epidemic
the un-natural eschewed
just stop eating junk food
it's a theory, in part academic

Although the birds sometimes cause strife
I see joy in the eyes of my wife
I hear roosters that bellow
All my yolks are dark yellow
Owning chickens has bettered my life

With natural quality one can attest
Storebought eggs seem now hard to digest
I can't eat eggs upside-sunny
with their yolks white and runny
backyard chicken made eggs are the best

New chicken owners fast are obsessed
late night reading keeps one abreast
visit Scotts Backyard Chickens
with user driven submissions
a genesis of knowledge manifest